(over intercom) This is your captain speaking...
Flight time to Nice will be 7 hours 30 minutes.
Our flight attendants will be coming by To provide you with complimentary beverages.
Excuse me.
Hello?
Excuse me.
Hey there!
Mom! Do you mind?
Emergency exit's 13-D, sweetie.
Great, got it, thanks Dad.
- Excuse me. - Bonjour.
- Three chardonnay's please - No, nothing for me,
- I always remain alert in flight. - Me neither thank you.
Just the three then.
I'm so proud of you sweetie. A lotta women who just got dumped...
would have backed out of this vacation but not you.
Thanks Dad, but I didn't get dumped.
- It wasn't quite like that it... - (Mother) It was mutual.
Yes, they agreed to part ways,
when he dumped her.
I thought it was because he needed space?
[Mother]: No, he just didn't find her spontaneous enough.
Too safe?
- Predictable. - Hey...
I'm sitting right here. I can hear you.
He tried to get you to go bungie jumping, you wouldn't do it.
Look, I have a thing about heights and a rule, about vomiting in public.
- I think that's perfectly reasonable. - Too many rules dear.
There's nothing wrong with being cautious, sweetie. Safety is sexy.
The first time your mother and I made love we managed to keep our seatbelts on...
the entire time. It wasn't easy.
Okay Dad!
What did I just say About vomiting in public?
Change seats.
- And the emergency exit is...? -13-D, trust me, I know where it is.
About to throw myself out of it.
I've got a visual on him now.
Target confirmed.
I know the drill.
Trois minutes.
[man on phone]: You have until five pm. to deliver the package...
then the boss wants you to close the account.
Yeah, yeah, I will have his final bill ready to go.
You have my wife and I, on the second floor and my daughter on the third.
When I specifically booked adjacent rooms.
I assure you your room is lovely Mr...
Lovely and adjacent are not the same thing.
She's a single woman, all alone.
Oh...
Recently... single. I am not always alone.
Dad, the room is fine can you just...
Do you know how many push in robberies happen in hotels, sweetie?
Third floor. We'd like an ocean view.
Always the same thing with the rooms.
Let Daddy do his thing.
The little Frenchman will cave.
He's a weasel face, like "you know who".
Richard, I'm talking about Richard.
I know Mother.
We're not discussing him anymore. Remember?
Right, right.
- He's dead to us. - Yes!
So it never bothered you that he had kind of a womanly butt?
What?
- Hm - No, he did not!
Forget I said anything.
- (clerk speaking in French) - I do not speak French
[clerk]: Excuse me. We have resolved the problem.
I'm gonna go check on my room.
You and Dad figure this out.
You want a Maalox for the road?
Wouldn't it be easier just to humour me?
- Bonjour. - Bonjour.
Descente?
Mh-hm.
(speaking French)
Hm...
- Allez-y. - Yeah...
(speaking French)
- I don't speak French. - Ah...
- Yeah, no I got it the first time. - Alright.
Why were you pretending back there?
I don't know? Why did you follow me?
I was already going to the beach. Remember?
Yeah, well, I could be going swimming too.
Are you?
No.
I'm just gonna go marinate... in shame.
I'm Spencer, by the way.
It's nice to meet you Spencer.
Do you have a name?
Jen, Jennifer, sometimes Jenny, no its...
Jen. It's... just Jen.
I'm gonna go, uh... swimming. Before it gets dark.
Yes, of course.
Muscles like that take some upkeep.
Do you wanna get a drink with me tonight?
Yeah, yeah sure. I don't have anything better to do. So why not?
Great.
I'll see you at "Stella Maurice" at sunset.
Unless you have something better to do.
Oh no... No cute dress?
I didn't pack a single cute... dress.
Oh God...
I don't think I have all my socks. Gotta find a dress.
Thank you.
We knocked on your door several times. I can't believe you're missing this.
I know Dad, I'm sorry. It's just...
You know, my stomach. It's going crazy.
We'll come back right away, with saltines and ginger ale.
No! Stay put I'm fine.
Don't be a hero, sweetie.
Dad trust me, you don't wanna be a part of this.
Uh... wait.
Darling?
At least you'll look thin on the beach.
Are you sure you're gonna be all right?
Yes! You and Mom go.
Have fun without me.
Hey!
You're gonna find the perfect guy. Someone who's good and decent and kind.
Who doesn't have a dishonest bone in his body.
Oh God!
You picked a perfect table.
- (laughs nervously) - (server speaking French)
Oui.
- I had to atone for being late. - Oh... too bad I hate champagne.
Really? I'm... I'm sorry, please no... - I was joking...
It was a joke. (in robot voice) That was a joke.
(in robot voice) I am a dating robot Sent here to observe your ways.
You just pulled a robot voice.
I'm a nerd.
Alright, don't worry. There's a certain segment of the population...
that goes over big for that sort of thing.
Yeah... Nerds.
- They're my bread and butter. - Yeah?
How's that working out for you?
Oh, my God. Oh, Shit!
(inaudible)
- Hm... - How about you?
- I don't know. - What're you doin'?
Are you all right?
Hi!
Are you on the lamb?
Do you see that guy over by the menus? Freakishly tall, excellent mustache.
- Okay. - We don't need to do it now.
But I do need to sit down somewhere.
That is a gorgeous mustache.
Well, he, um... He's a Russian diplomat.
Also kind of a pervert.
Sat next to him on the plane, got a little grabby.
Really? wa... wa... wait. Women don't like grabby?
That's... I'm gonna have to change my whole M-O.
I also heard him in the hotel trying to get the room next to mine.
It was just kind of weird.
I hope you switched rooms.
Oh no, no, I like to live on the edge.
Dangerous weirdoes, Spicy food... - Bungie jumping.
I can see dangerous weirdoes and spicy foods but...
Bungie jumping? I'm mean it's almost never sexy, to puke in public.
That's what I said.
Really?
Yeah.
I mean it's really nice down here and all, but...
Mh-hm.
my bet is that they're gone, so...
Shall we?
Sure. Okay.
So...
should we order?
You know what? Let's get out of here.
The service is awful and... I need to show you Nice.
You realize I'm gonna make you tell me, your whole life story.
(keys beep)
Trust me. It's boring.
(helicopter exploding)
- You want some of mine? - Oh, no, no! I actually...
I really don't drink that much... I should just...
slow down.
What do you do?
Me?
Consulting. I'm a consultant... for a company.
Company consultant
We've been doing a lot of downsizing, I travel a lot.
Downsizing... People.
Oh.
Well if you could do anything... You know...
anything in the world What would you do?
I just think it would be nice to put down some roots, you know.
I've actually always wanted to know my neighbors...
I've never had that before.
That's actually pretty beautiful.
You're pretty beautiful.
(laughs nervously) It's the dress, I...
It's not the dress.
You'd be beautiful without the dress.
Not that I'm... visualizing you naked.
Although, I'm sure you would look beautiful, I'm saying that you would...
be... beautiful... clothed...
differently as well.
Yeah. Thank you, I do need another.
- Why don't I get you another. - Okay.
- Don't leave - I won't.
Stay put! Hmph.
Okay fine. I will dance with you.
I'm sorry. What?
You almost ripped out of your dress, to try to seduce me.
- It worked! - No, I was with, a...
- Let's dance. - Okay, maybe just for a minute.
Wow! You are a very... enthusiastic dancer
Oh, oh, this... Oh God!
Ahh, this is very nice. But, I... I should really get back to my date.
Now, I blow your mind Don't move.
Oh, now you're gonna blow my mind. Oh, God, okay...
Excuse me. I'm going to cut in here.
Back off! Yankee.
Go find your own prostitute.
Oh no. No, you're misunderstanding.
- I'm sorry, I am not a prostitute... - Ow!
God. Does this dress say prostitute?
No.
It's not really, It's just, its... its maybe...
Wait... Just Jen.
Yes?
- Just Jen. - Yes?
There's something that I've been wanting to do all night.
Your tag was still on.
- Oh no! - Sorry.
- No, no, no, no, no... - It's Okay.
- It's okay. - No, its...
I can't... I can't afford this dress.
And I left the tag on, because I can't afford it.
Not unless my father buys it for me, which...
he wouldn't, because he's... he's not here.
It's Okay.
It's fine Are you Okay?
No, I can't believe... it's so tight!
Oh, I knew it, I'm sorry,
I can't keep this up. I am not this girl.
I am not spontaneous.
I never drink this much.
And I don't live on the edge,
I... I live a very... quiet, normal life.
I would like a normal life I'd kill for a normal life.
Well, just it... it gets... it gets worse.
Just... you know that guy...
at the restaurant, with the mustache.
The Russian pervert.
That's my Dad.
- Wow. - Yeah.
Sounds like a really bad home situation.
No, no! Oh, God! No.
He's not Russian. Or a pervert.
He's a... he's a pilot.
You know, he flies planes. I... I came on vacation with my parents.
That’s... how I am... I...
I was supposed to come here with my geek boyfriend,
but he dumped me for this girl and then...
I'm sorry. Go ahead.
I can't breathe.
This dress is really... really, really tight.
I need to get out of it. Seriously, I've been sucking it in all night.
Can you just. You gotta get it off. Just take it off.
- Really? - Yeah, take it off.
- Okay... all right. - Yeah... lets do this.
You ready? Uh...
Zipper's just...
The zipper's just stuck.
Just break it, it's fine. My father will pay for it.
- Are you sure? Break it? - Yeah, break it.
Okay, just... just... turn around.
- Just stay still... Don't move. - Oh, my God!
(dress tears)
(cutting dress)
I... uh...
Here. Take this.
Thanks.
I'll be... I'm gonna be over here.
Doing this... In this manner.
Thank you for...
being so honest.
I actually feel like I should... share something with you.
It's gonna be really hard to say.
But...
I feel like... you're real. So...
I wanna be real with you.
Haven't really told anyone this before, but...
I kill people.
Wow.
You're taking this a lot better than I expected.
Awesome.
Usually it's bad people It's not like I'm out killing good guys.
I'm not a murderer.
I'm a professional. I just professionally...
kill people.
You're a great listener.
Excellent... listener.
I don't like what I do. I'm not a fan of it.
But I like you.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna show you Nice.
And hopefully, that's just the beginning.
Because I like you.
You should take a bite.
Go ahead and try it, I'm not gonna eat it all.
Good lord! French food...
Hm, you should try that.
I'm going to, uh... just go to the restroom.
It's a crush Spence. It happens.
Go shoot some guns, and screw some models.
You'll be good as new.
Then what? Kill some more people.
They're enemies of the state. Not people.
You sure about that?
Cause five years ago Levedeaux worked for us,
And then the NSA and god knows who else. But this week he's the enemy.
What the hell's wrong with you?
You go screw Polly Anna for a week...
and suddenly your life's work's out the window?
She's normal.
And I feel normal when I'm with her.
- And maybe I... - Wake up!
Her world only exists. because of people like us.
And I'm sorry if people change sides.
Sometimes a friend becomes an enemy, and we have to take them out.
She trusts me.
And I'm not willing to compromise that.
These jobs are not optional Spencer.
You don't get to just walk away.
Watch me.
You are who you are Spencer! You can't change that.
I think the best part is, you're finally with someone...
who's genuinely attractive.
I know.
I keep thinking, you will build up some kind of tolerance to his...
physical, godlike... perfection.
Which just hasn’t happened yet.
- Hm? - No, thanks.
I'm okay.
It's a little early, mom.
(mom laughing) Early...
Do you think they're alright up there?
Oh, as long as Daddy doesn't shoot him, we're good.
(gunshot in distance)
So I hear you're jobless.
Corporate consulting, it's a tough business, sir.
Jen and I were talking about, uh... putting some roots down.
- We might open up our own firm here. - Look at my shoes.
They’re Edward Greene. I picked them up 20 years ago.
When I was still flying the London route.
If you have something of great quality...
and you take good care of it. You'll have it forever.
I know you're worried about Jen.
Why would I worry?
I'm confident...
that you'll never hurt her.
That's a nice shot.
Thank you, I was an Eagle Scout.
They really let you shoot stuff, in the Boy Scouts?
So do the Marines.
Semper Fi.
That was yours.
- I'm sorry, I... - Be prepared Spencer,
you would've learned that in the Boy Scouts.
I was in 4H.
You know, Jen's not... some fragile China doll.
She's funny, and she's sweet, and she's smart.
But in this kind of an off kilter way...
where one minute she could be talking about the strategic value of Nice in WW II.
And the next, she's telling me that Carey Grant dropped acid.
Which... look... look... look, my point is...
It doesn't matter what she says.
I can trust her.
I depend on her.
Sir, it's not the other way around.
So...
with your blessing.
I'm going to marry her.
Welcome to the family, Spencer.
- Thank you, Mr. Cornfield. - Please, call me Sir.
How big is it?
Oh, it's big. It's probably the biggest on the block.
Well, have I ever seen anything like it before?
Ohh... Maybe in a magazine, or in your dreams.
Will I know what to do with it?
I'll... help you navigate the tricky parts.
- Oooh... - Creedy, creedy
It's this blindfold that's making me Ow! Honey...
Sorry, sorry.
Prepare...
- to be... - Oh...
thrilled.
Oh, my God.
Spence...
you remodeled my office.
It's so organized.
Okay... you can kiss me now.
How did I get so lucky?
- How did I get a guy like you? - It was easy.
It was your charm...
and you wit.
You really should not be spoiling me, especially... since...
it's your... birthday weekend.
No, we talked about this.
We're not gonna make a big deal out of it, this year.
No presents, no parties.
It's just dinner tomorrow night with my parents I promise.
But I never agreed to no presents.
Come on! I've been keeping this secret, for a week.
I'm at my limit.
You kill me.
Open it, it's tickets to Nice.
I thought we could go back to where it began, you know?
And the best part is, we can go anytime.
But because I rule, I got 2 weeks off at the end of the month.
- Do you not wanna go to Nice? - Of course I do.
Look...
things a little hectic at work right now, and we... we have a lot going on here.
Plus the peach parade is at the end of the month...
and you were gonna make your cobbler.
My cobbler sucks.
You know what made Nice great?
You.
I have everything that I need... right here.
Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter. Hey, batter, batter, batter.
Let's go! Pick up the pace.
Spencer!
- Hi! - Hey!
- Lillie and Mac. - Hey.
Hey! I'm glad we caught you.
- Our "block party". - Our "block party".
- Alright. - Bring the whole family.
- Yeah? - And you guys can dress up.
- Perfect. - Okay.
Alright.
You know what? Here's another one.
Yeah, we're gonna have those wings.
Great.
That got a little bit of my spit on it. Don't clone me.
Okay, we're gonna go make love. You have fun.
- Okay. - Take care. We gotta get going.
"Block party". "Block Party"!
Our new Norton internet security suite...
has sonar behaviour based protection...
that defends against any unknown online threats.
So, be sure to flag that feature for undecided clients.
Okay People... you heard her.
We're rolling this out immediately. So, uh...
let's hop to it, hm?
Uh.. Jen.
- Polished and concise as always. - Thank you.
Don't change a word, when you go to San Francisco.
You want me to speak at the conference?
No, I want you to dominate it.
Okay.
You fly out tomorrow.
Oh, Mr. Newpar, tomorrow's um...
Well, it's...
such short notice.
There's no one else you can send?
The conference isn't until Monday.
Just, take the weekend to prep. You'll be fine.
Okay.
Of course I didn't say that it was Spencer’s birthday.
Because it is extremely unprofessional...
to turn down a Business trip to baby-sit your husband.
Birthday or not.
And... that's why I didn't mention it.
Can you take him out tonight or not?
Hello?
Dad?
If I have to.
Love you, sweetie.
I love you too. Bye.
No no. It's too low.
Can you lift the back one up... an inch?
- Right, No. - Jennie...
Right, right there. Perfect.
Can you... come in tomorrow? I'm sorry.
Mildred's having trouble with the billing again.
Saturday, Mildred and bills, it's trifecta. I'm sorry.
- Thank you. - Fine!
What do you think about this thing?
Well... Henry says it's a statement piece.
Yeah, but it's stating that we like "ugly shit", hanging from our ceiling?
Yep.
Yep, What?
Yes, you turned our conference room into "Bambi's nightmare".
Yeah, I know.
Hey! Listen, do me a favor.
Grab some flooring samples for Olivia, all right?
Something durable that cleans up easy.
In case we decide to have sex on the floor.
Of course.
You're worried she'll vomit?
Probably.
I like her even more. when she's mean to me.
You're gonna be a law suit.
Probably
She gets aggravated though, you know.
When I flirt with other women. That's what it is.
You do realize, that only happens in pornos.
Yeah! The good pornos.
I'm gonna give her a shot.
Soon as I'm done, letting Olivia do dirty things to me.
That's gonna take a while. Olivia's a bigger slut than you are.
Hey! Are we gonna, uh... pretend to play basketball tonight, or what?
No can do. I got dinner with Jen.
Ahhh! I think, I just saw your balls roll by.
Yeah, you wanna go catch 'em for me?
Ohh... Just crushed it.
Just crushed one of your balls, right there.
We'll see.
Call me "ball crusher", from now on.
So, how'd it go?
Too good. Newpar is sending me to San Francisco.
No, no, not the presentation, Spencer's gift?
What did he say about the trip?
He wants to stay home and eat cobbler.
No vacation No French getaway?
- No. - Who in their right mind?
Turns down a vacation like that?
Well, you know Spence, he's kind of a home body.
Okay, okay... Okay.
How long have you two been married? What like three years?
- Yeah. - Okay.
That's your problem.
I have a problem?
Everyone always talks about the seven year itch.
But no one mentions, the three year snooze.
People get complacent.
Get relaxed, but you have to be vigilant.
Okay? Otherwise your growing out your "leg hair".
Your growing out your "down there" hair you're wearing your "fat jeans".
and a pair of "spanx". Okay?
And the next thing you know, he runs off with a reality TV star named Shawnda, okay?
And that's my personal experience. But I'm telling you,
you better watch out, because Shawnda speaks six languages.
And one of those languages...
is sex. Are you gonna eat that?
Getting hung-ry... super hungry over here.
[receptionist]: Peach Plaza Motel.
Ah yes. I’m trying to reach a guest named...
[receptionist]: Sir?
Yes, um... uh...
the guest named... Annabell Hensler.
[receptionist]: Just a moment.
Well, it took you long enough. We need to meet.
That's not gonna happen, Annabell.
You know, I get that you love being, this soft suburban zombie.
But like I told you 3 years ago in Nice. You can't just walk away from this game.
- I got a job for you, kiddo. - I'm out.
You're gonna have to find somebody else to clean up your mess.
My Mess! If you don't do this job, it'll be your mess.
I'm in room 1-1-4.
I'll be waiting for you.
- Just do what I'm telling you. - Spencer!
Hey!
Did you just hang up on someone?
Nope.
Jenn's tied up at work, so, I'm supposed to do something...
nice... for your birthday, so, here I am.
I'm gonna feed you.
Oh, that's great.
But really. I guess, I can...
- grab something real simple. - Are you saying...
you rather eat alone?
No, of course not, I... Let's break some bread.
Who's "H"?
My old boss.
Just, uh... asked me if I want my old job back.
He sent you hugs... and kisses.
Yup
It's a French thing.
You know, always kissing... fruits...
I can't take you to dinner dressed like a street urchin, so...
we'll stop by your house and pick up adult apparel.
I'll leave my car here.
I will meet you out front.
What's with you?
You're like a chained recess monkey at the wheel.
Just excited about the two of us grabbing dinner.
You and Mrs. K. still thinking about going on that cruise?
Yes.
But, where you gonna go?
I really think, that's up to the captain Spencer.
What's with you kids?
Jen shouldn't be coming home to a dark house. It's not safe.
I couldn't agree with you more, sir.
Did I leave my keys in the truck?
I'm not telepathic, Spencer.
Maybe I'll just...
This is not Candyland, unlocked trucks get stolen,
Which is why... careful men, use the garage.
- Thank you, sir. - The keys are in the ignition.
Surprise!
I told you I wouldn't throw you a party...
- on your birthday. - On my birthday.
Right. Very cute.
Not what you were expecting right?
No.
Okay. All right. I'm, gonna...
You know what? I'm gonna run upstairs and change real quick.
Okay, we'll be down here waiting, when you come back.
Surprise!
Good job, Daddy.
[receptionist]: Good evening, Peach Plaza Motel.
Yes, can you connect me with Annabell Hensler, please.
[receptionist]: One moment.
No answer, sir. Would you like to leave a message?
No.
No. No message.
I got a lotta work going on in there...
- So, I don't know if I'm gonna make it... - We should hang out more.
- We should. - Sure.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick.
Yeah, uh... I'll join you.
- Mama! - Oh, sweetheart!
Oh, dear.
I was just telling Jen how you were gonna come over tomorrow.
We can't let you spend your birthday alone.
I've got the block party tomorrow.
We could come with you.
- Yeah. - Uh-huh.
- Perfect. - Yeah.
Great,
I'm coming you lush!
- Oh, Henry might be staying the night. - Uh-huh.
I'm telling you smoke on the water, this chick was electrified.
Pow! Snap! Pop! Whooo!
- Ha ha ha ha... - Okay.
I need to get a fill up.
Uh-huh.
You got something there you think I might like?
- I'll see you guys in a minute. - Or something you might like.
It's your party.
You get to have whatever you want.
- Uhh... - Open this.
- Wine? - Having Fun?
I like wine. - Hm...
I'll... I'll go open it.
I'll be here with a birthday kiss when you get back.
I just hope that it was a good surprise, you know?
He seems kind of distracted.
He wasn't expecting a house full of people, cut him some slack
Maybe Kristen is right about the 3 year thing.
You would tell me, right? You wouldn't sugar coat it
Cause with things like that. It's just better to know.
I mean, my legs aren't hairy, but...
I have been in my fat-jeans for the last two weeks, which...
may be why, he would rather stay home and make cobbler...
- than go on vacation with me. Oh my God...
- I really am freaking out. - What's going on with you guys?
You got her all freaked out at lunch.
Are you still having sex with Spencer? Yes or No?
Yeah, all the time.
Then your marriage is fine.
Guys, can we please play charades now? Come on.
You sure you're all right?
- Yeah yeah, I'm okay. - Good night, pal.
- Good night. - Drive carful
- Okay - Watch your step!
- Ow, - Walk home!
He really shouldn't be driving.
Oh...
No, no, babe. I got it.
- No honey, no, I got it. - I... I'll put the house to bed.
You've got to start packing.
- Babe, It's your birthday - I got it.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
- (snoring) - Man, that's cross.
Okay, just do the bare minimum, I'll get the rest in the morning.
- I love you. - Thank you, I love you.
- Where are your pants? - (snoring)
- Is something wrong? - Hm?
No, of course not.
Are you sure?
I mean... is everything okay... between us?
You're kidding, Right?
Come here. Here... that spot?
Maybe I could skip the Cornfield packing method, just this once.
Your flight's early, you should keep packing.
(snoring)
(farts)
(another fart)
I should've just told Newpar I'd go tomorrow.
- I feel terrible missing your birthday. - No worries, sweetheart.
I got another one next year.
(stifled laughter)
Well, hold on.
Well, you need your birthday kiss.
Okay...
We don't want the... neighbors to get jealous.
Throwing a little porno in the driveway.
Don't want you to be late... for the airport.
- Don't want you... - Okay.
miss your flight.
There we go!
Hey, Jen!
Jen!
- Hey! Jen. - Hey, Jackie.
- You're up early for a party animal. - Oh yeah.
I'm just runnning out to the airport.
My daddy says its a good thing, that we're such sound sleepers...
because you know, a lot of other people might have an issue, with all that noise.
Hmm.
Any-hoo, uh... daddy wants to talk to Spence about this whole...
fence on the property line boo-ha-ha we're having.
We don't wanna bring lawyers into it, anymore than you do, right?
But, we're quite sure our new fence is not on your land.
You know, you understand.
Oh yeah, perfectly of course,
but you understand, you'll have to take it up with Spence, right?
Okay?
Thanks, Jackie, I'm sorry, I'm in a big rush, see you soon.
Okay, you're late.
Hey! Did you guys have fun last night?
Oh, yeah, it was great.
Of course, I'm paying for it this morning.
(laughing) You're still taking Spence out tonight though, right?
- Yes, for the hundredth time. - Good.
Okay, did Daddy promise to be nice to him?
Hmm... Not in so many words.
Just get yourself on the plane, let us take care of Spence, okay?
Okay, well I'll call you when I get to San Francisco.
- Love you. - Love you too, dear. Bye.
(slurps) Mmm...
(cell phone) - Oh, Whose that?
You or me?
That's me.
That's you.
You got any milk?
Yeah.
- Everything all right? - Yeah.
Ohh... what've I got? I got skim milk and... I've got some low fat yogurt.
You know what you can do? You can mix the two together...
What the hell you doing, man?
You should've seen your face
You almost crapped your pants.
Yeah, it's really funny...
- What are you doing? - Killin' you, buddy.
Where you going Spence? Huh?
You got a gun upstairs or something?
Surprise! I'm back.
Spence?
(screaming)
What are you doing!?
Spencer! Stop it!
Stop! You're hurting him.
I need you to get me something.
- Stop it. - It's upstairs, in the bedside table...
- There's a Glock 45. - A Glock?
It's a gun! Just go get it!
- Why do you have a gun? - Just get it!
- Hurry! - I'm coming, I'm coming...
- I kinda need you to hurry. - Okay, okay, I'm here, I'm here.
Your job right now. I need you to point the gun at him...
- and shoot him in the face. - What?
- Don't do it, he's gone crazy, he's a psychotic...
- Please, don't do it. - Shoot him!
Okay...
Okay. (gun fires)
Ow! Poor bitch shot me.
What are you crazy?!
You told me to shoot him in the face.
I didn't think you were really gonna shoot him.
I was telling you to divert...
Well, then you should have waved, or crossed your fingers or something.
- I was a little busy, trying not to die. - Oh, gosh, I shot him...
It's all right, he's just knocked out, he's not dead. It's Okay.
I need you to go to the basement...
and get the duct tape.
There's duct tape downstairs Go downstairs and get the duct tape.
- I can't move. - Come on, babe.
- I can't move! - It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay, he's gonna be okay.
Maybe.
Spence?
- What's happening? - (cell phone)
I'm about to find out.
- Ahhh! - Wake up.
- Oww! - You're hurting him.
Yeah, I think he'll be all right.
Sorry, I'm bleeding on your chair.
- You just had it reupholstered, right? - Yeah.
You were under contract.
Contract for what? The business?
Somebody hired him... to kill me.
Oh, my God!
I thought we were friends.
Really? You never seemed that invested.
- Ow! - I covered for you...
with every client that we have.
I talked a half a dozen hussy-girls, out of slashing your tires.
I even drove you to the free clinic when your balls were swollen...
and you had that fungal thing!
- No, no, no. no... - I helped you bury "Sir Barks-a-lot"
Hey! He was a good dog, all right?
- Leave him outta this. - He couldn't fetch for shit.
- Spencer. - Yeah?
By the end of the day, you're gonna be just as dead as he is.
You got a 20 million dollar bounty on your head.
Oh, God...
Are you gonna faint?
Not unless I puke first.
Breathe.
It's okay.
How is this okay?
- I'll explain. Just not right now. - No...
you explain now! I want you to explain, right now!
(knock on door)
[Jackie]: Jen? Spence?
Shh...
[Jackie]: Hello?
Yeah, that’s it. Be very quiet.
Maybe the other assassin will go away.
- [Jackie]: Yoo-hoo... - It could be any of your neighbors.
[Jackie]: Come out, come out wherever you are.
What?
You didn't think I'd have some competition?
- 20 million dollars, buys a lotta patience. - [Jackie]: Hello...!
I can see your car.
Spencer, It's just Jackie Valero.
[Jackie]: I know you're in there.
She just wants to talk about the property line or something.
Or... kill you.
- (knock) [Jackie]: Hello you two, Hello?
[Jackie]: I'm out here by the stairs.
What'd we do?
Go... Now.
Take quick action.
What about him?
Oh, no, no!
- Spencer, stop. - If I don't, he'll come after us.
- He's our friend. - He's a liar.
(gunshots)
Oh. my God!
Get in.
- Put your seatbelt on. - I am, I am.
Jen!
What's going on?
- I'm glad I got my gun. - I can tell.
Jen, everything all right?
- Ahh... - Good Morning.
Slow Down!
Stop the car right there...
- I am getting out right now! - Pumpkin, sit Down.
I have a right to freak out I don't even know who the hell you are!
It's me.
I just have a different resume.
Who do you work for?
Is it the Mob?
I can't tell you. If I tell you, they could kill you too.
Let's just say, that I work for the "blah, blah, blah"...
And they gave me a license to "blah".
Air. I need air right now.
- All right, Honey. - Oh, my God...
It was never my primary directive.
Are we even married?
- Yes, we're married. - I mean legally married...
- I got out... - not married in your heart?
I got out in France.
I was in a love bubble in France...
- I was in a love bubble t... - and you are get shot?
Got something for you Spence.
Spread your legs.
Oh No! You are not getting off that easy.
- Spread 'em! - Okay.
Oh, my God...
Here.
- Oh, my God... - Hold this.
- (gunfire) - Hold on.
He's on my side. He's on my side.
Oh, cool. Race cars!
Damn!
That got him.
- You okay? - Mm-hm.
He's gonna be close behind.
- Hide. - What?
Hide now!
What you gonna do?
I'm gonna kill him.
(gunfire)
(coughing)
Whoa!
(loud crash)
Spence?
Spencer.
Get in the truck.
- Is he?... - Yeah.
Start talking.
I was recruited in college, freshman year.
Why did they choose you?
They look for independent people... and after my parents passed...
I didn't have any family. So...
We've gotta go, babe.
You can be pissed at me in the truck.
Are you gonna kill me too?
Come on. If I was gonna kill you, I would've shot you back at the house.
Uh... that...
sounded weird, I...
Logically, you know that that's true.
Okay.
Spread 'em.
For God's sake, what else do you have down there?
How many people Spencer?
Four...
teen.
Fifteen. It's fifteen.
Is fifteen your real number?
Or is that like, when you ask a girl how many guy's she slept with...
and you double how many times by ten?
- I didn't do that. I'm just... - Fifteen is my number.
They were all bad guys, as far as I know.
But it was getting harder to tell.
And then I met you.
We fell in love and I got out.
My old boss reached out to me yesterday.
He's staying in a hotel on Piedmont.
He'll know what's going on.
Sweetie, your gun is showing.
Well, where... where do you expect me to put it?
Have you seen the size of this thing?
(toy squeaks)
(children laughing, playing)
(cell phone ringing)
Oh, It's my Dad. Should I take it?
(rap ringtone)
I thought you said you were gonna change that?
Sweetheart, relax.
It's a little early to check on Spencer, don't you think?
And Jen, will just be getting settled at the hotel.
Yeah, you're right.
(knocking on door)
Spence? I got that... from over here.
Easy...
it's my old boss... Holbrook.
It's two to the heart, one in the head.
It's old school training, had to be an experienced hitter.
All right, judging from his body, it happened earlier this morning.
It's okay, it's the adrenaline.
We're going in a little bit.
How can you talk about him like that? You knew him.
It's my training, baby.
Sorry.
Spence, I can't stay here, I think, I'm gonna get sick.
Just give me a second, baby.
Gotta have some information, about the target.
You already looked there.
I'm missing something.
It's the watch.
It's wrong.
He'd never wear anything this flashy. Nothing to get noticed.
Look at this.
- It's broken. Who cares? - No, no.
It's a plug in for like, a flash drive or something. It's missing.
You're right... someone's taken the drive.
Okay. All right.
Let's go.
Do you think that Henry, got to Holbrook?
No, Henry was in agreement until this morning.
There was another shooter at the house.
I think. we need to get out of here.
- Absolutely. - And go to my parents.
- No. - Yes.
- No. - Yes!
Yes! My Dad will know what to do.
I... I used to do this for a living, okay.
We do not want to involve your parents. And we definitely...
- don't need help from your Dad. - I think we do.
Because your plan...
to kill Henry and come see a dead guy. It's not really working out.
(sighs)
I should've seen this coming.
Of course, you're gonna rope your parents into this.
Oh! You're a spy and a double agent.
But I'm the bad guy, because I wanna call my parents, really?
We've been married for 3 years and we've never been more then...
- 5 Minutes away from your parents. - Don't have to see this right now, come on.
They're always coming over...
and you Dad's all, "well, well, this is how the Cornfields load the dishwasher"...
"and mow the lawn clockwise, that's the Cornfield way".
"Take this piece of coal and stick it up your keester"...
"squeeze it real tight like we do"...
- "and you'll make a Cornfield diamond". - Okay now, hold up a minute.
- You're talking about my parents. - I'm your husband.
Wha... what're we gonna do, when we have our own kids?
(vomits)
Jen. Jen.
Just talk to me for a second, I'll take it back, I love your parents.
I'm... I'm sending them a mental hug right now.
- Look... - Spencer! Hey... you okay?
- Yeah, I'm good. - Good.
Your garage. It's... it's a wreck.
- Yeah, I... it was a... party foul. - You do realize...
we have the block party tonight and it's... it's a real eyesore.
Well, then don't look at it, Pete!
You can't just run off like that.
You make it impossible for me to protect you.
A little late for protection.
Think about it. My emotions are all over the place.
I'm picking up smells, that half the K-9 unit would miss. Plus...
I pretty much feel like vomiting, every time I breathe.
- It's been a stressful day. - Explain these.
Aren't they always that big?
- You take the pill every day. - I know,
but, I had strep last month, remember?
I had to take a Z-pack.
Antibiotics knock out the pill. That's why I told you we wad to be careful.
I thought you were talking about my technique, not getting knocked up.
- You know what? Don't yell at me, sureshot. - I'm not.
You're the on who suggested... "Naked Saturdays".
Can I help you?
Stop It.
- What? She's staring at us. - You don't know if was...
- Staring is rude. - But why'd you have do that?
Can we just... we're not in a library here. Let's just pick up the pace.
Well, they're not all equally accurate, okay?
Well, it's just crazy to stand out here in the aisle,
so, take one, take them all. I don't know? Who cares.
I care. I care Spence. It would be awesome to know...
if I am actually making...
a little being inside of me, okay? And don't you call me crazy!
I'm not calling you crazy. This scenario is crazy.
- Standing here is crazy. - You know what? You're not helping.
Uh... Folks? Could I be of some assistance?
Yes.
Yes, you can...
ahh... uhh...
Kevin.
Which one of these, is the most accurate?
Jen, I don't think, he's a pregnancy test expert.
Well... First Response seems to be pretty popular, uh...
Can't seem to keep it on the shelf. Here you go.
Must be your first.
Pregnancy test?
Baby.
Oh. Yeah...
Well, it may be your lucky day.
Please. Stop it.
Look at this... It's on sale.
Great!
That's great.
- Let's go. - Thank you so much. Bye.
No judging.
I need to follow protocol, report Holbrook's termination.
I'll get a safe house.
You'll be protected there.
And I have figure out...
who Holbrook's target was.
Maybe find out, who set this whole thing in motion.
As long as I get to pee on the stick, and eat my delicious jerky, I'm in.
Great.
Listen... there's one more thing...
You can't be upset... I need to steal a car.
Hm...
The truck's shot to shit.
It will be the least awful thing, we do all day, so... go for it.
Honey, I'm eating, like I just got home from Fat Camp.
I'm glad you said it.
Really?
You wanna poke Mama Bear right now? That seems like a good idea?
- Hey, you're kinda scary right now. - Just make your phone call.
(over phone) You're a go for contact.
This is Zulu, one, four, niner, Sierra, one, zero, zero, been forcibly retired...
prior to contact. Please advise a secure location, for briefing.
(over phone) Hold for further instructions.
- Zulu one four niner? - It's my code name.
(chuckles)
It's just not very catchy.
Sorry, all the cool code names were taken.
(over phone) Zulu one four niner, please confirm your contact and his status.
Sierra, one, zero, zero, and his status is dead,
and I believe his target has put a hit on me.
(over phone) Negative. Sierra, one, zero, zero, has no target.
He is no longer an active agent.
- Please provide, your location and code... - (hangs up)
What happened?
Something's not right.
Where you going?
To search Henry's stuff. See if we can find out, who hired him.
Maybe there's a connection to Holbrook.
Oh, and you could do your... pee thing.
I got it. I'm in.
Thanks.
- Porn... porn... porn... Po-o-o-o-orn - Porn.
People are so inventive.
- Propped it up, just a little. - Okay.
Okay, how weird is this gonna get?
Because there are some things, that you can not unsay.
It's a picture of Henry's dog, "Sir Barks-a-lot".
In costume?
Wait a minute.
Look at the size of these files.
Oh, my God.
These are pictures from two years ago.
I mean, this was the first block party we went to.
Whoever set this up, was patient enough to embed Henry...
- And God knows who else, in my life. - Our life. Our life.
Wait, wait...
I'm pretty sure your Dad took that one.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing, it's just an observation.
Yes, an observation about my father, and that photo.
Because it's a... picture that he took.
Okay, so now my dad, is a bad guy.
- I definitely did not... - No, no, no, you're right, you're right.
- Because you're a liar and... - Oh, okay...
- a hitman and everyone probaly is too. - Here we go...
So, I bet my Mom's in on it, and, uh... Granny Cornfield, yeah?
I think she's just messing with our minds, with the whole: "I'm in a wheelchair bit!"
Okay, we are getting into some counter productive Territory here...
and I think we should move on to something else.
Like, you know, like... maybe... maybe we should piss on a stick now?
That would be a good idea.
It is a good idea, because I do have to pee.
Grab my gun.
Wait, you can't just walk out and...
You are aware, people are trying to kill us.
I really have to go.
Oh, for God's sake.
Why can't I just turn the light on. It's not like, there's a lotta places...
- to hide. - Just humour me.
Why, thanks.
I can't pee with you just standing there staring at me.
Honey, you've peed in front of me a million times.
But, there's a little more pressure now, don't you think?
(water running)
Better?
No.
No?
(radio playing "Whoomp there it is") - Ahhhh...
Honey, please, can you just give me one minute.
It's gonna take a minute.
You can guard the door.
- Hey! - Hey.
- You're here? - You're here.
Oh, God look...
there's a problem with the wind pipe count, June 2008.
The billing? You might wanna take a look at it.
You know what? Uh... let's forget the billing.
This we will take care of on Monday.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
- Okay. - Great.
Spence?
- Hey, you. Stop it! - Oww...
Stop it!
Honey, I don't... I don't know how... it's not... it's not shooting.
I don't... Oh! Honey, I just...
(gunshot)
You okay?
Hey! Are you all right?
I'm out of ammo.
Bullets before babies, huh?
The ammo's kind of important right now.
What's it say?
What's two bars mean?
Hey! You gotta translate this for me.
Hey!
Am I gonna be a Dad?
I'm gonna be a Mother.
But I'm not sure yet if you're gonna be a father.
Jen... Jen, I know you're upset, and you have every right to be.
But, I can't change who I was.
Where does that leave us?
- We will figure it out. - How?
- I will keep you safe. - How?
Tell me how?
And I will stay.
It's over Spence.
I know you don't want this to be over.
What I wanted stopped mattering, the moment I saw those two bars
Where you going?
Jen... Jen.
Jen!
- (horn blaring) - Oh... Oh, Olivia!
(cell phone)
Henry, who is calling you?
You gotta be kidding me.
(horn honks)
Hey Spence, I got a package for you.
Relax, buddy.
Try a little decaf.
Come around the other side for me.
I think it's that back ordered fabric from Tuscan.
Sure took its sweet time getting here, huh?
Yeah.
I just need your signature on the top there.
- Pen? - Oh, yeah.
(gunshots)
- I think I got him. - Yeah, you got him.
Oh, God, I'm glad you're okay.
God, look at the windshield. You must've really pissed him off.
(tires squealing)
Is there anyone... that's not trying to kill me?
Thanks.
Let's go steal a car.
So, what'd we do now?
I don't know.
Maybe, some couples counseling.
No. Now.
Spencer, what'd we do? Right now.
Right now, right.
Right now, we're gonna go to the house.
I got a Go-bag, we got money, weapons, passports. We're set.
Why exactly, do we have a Go-bag, Spencer?
Did you know, this was gonna happen?
No. I didn't know.
You're lying.
- You are lying. - No, I'm not lying.
Am I telling you everything? No.
I'm not telling you everything, okay.
But we're married. That's what married people do, honey.
They lie to each other.
They tell people things that aren't true to keep them safe...
and to protect one another.
When they ask things, like, if they have their Mother's arms.
Not that you have your Mother's arms, I'm not...
- You lied to me, the first time we met. - No, I didn't.
- Unless your dad, is a Russian pervert?
Well, I came clean about that.
You didn't.
- You did not come clean. - Did too.
- No, you didn't. - I told you...
I can't help that you were sleeping.
I didn't know that you sleep, like a dead person.
- Come on! - Well, I...
For all I know, you heard everything I said.
Based on what?
Based on... your... leg was twitching.
God, you know this is perfect, this is just perfect.
You couldn't have been just hiding, Tranny porn...
in the crawlspace, like Suzy Pratt's husband Murray?
Really? Murray Pratt?
No, no, no, no, you... had to be a spy.
I can't believe I married a spy. What am I? Pussy Galore?
(chuckles) Not that I know of.
Excuse me?
You're gonna complain now, about our...
- sex life? Is that what you're doing? - I'm not complaining...
- That's what you're gonna do now? - about our sex...
Pull the car over!
Come on! We have sex right now!
- No! We're going to my parents. - Let's get it on.
- We're going to my parents! - No, no.
- I'm taking us to my parents house. Yes. - We're not going...
- to your parents house. - Yes we are.
- We are not... - I said yes!
Listen to me.
We can not... go to your parents, you have to trust me.
I love you.
And I will protect you. Now you did a great job, of inding a car.
I need you to point it at the house...
and step on it.
All right, fine.
I'm stepping on it and it's not...
it's not going... it's... it's stopping actually.
It's starting to... not go...
Didn't notice the, uh... blinking fuel light?
You're right.
I apologize. Topping off the tank, should have been my first priority.
Run.
Go that way!
Darn It!
- It's locked - Stop pulling it, jerk!>
- I missed. - Really?
Go. Run!
20 Million! Let's get him!
God, these Volvo's are amazing.
- Shit! - The block party.
Stay close, keep moving.
Walnut muffins?
(both wispering)
Everyone's a winner.
Hey...! You guys! Spence Spence Jen Jen
Jen, Spencer? Where you guys going?
They got corn dogs, they got regular, and they got bacon covered.
Hey, honey! There's no way she's packing heat.
Come on, you would be surprised, how people hide stuff.
Guys, can I use the bathroom in you house?
Number one.
- Where is the Go-bag? - In the office.
Stay away from the windows, okay?
The safe is underneath the carpet and the combination's our anniversary,
- Where you going? - To get the guns.
Oh, to get the guns, more guns.
That's great.
Rotilda Walfredsson?
Oh, I'm Swedish.
Spence?
Spencer, is that you?
Spence?
Spencer, is that you?
Oh, God!
Mom.
Hey! You know, it is actually not a great time.
You think?
Kristen?
You know actually, it kinda makes sense.
- (laughter) - Lower your gun!
Or it's last call, for Mommy.
I told you, she's not a nice girl.
You told her that?
That's very rude.
- God damn it! Who is up there? - I don't know.
If somebody shoots Mr. Perfect, before I have the chance to...
I will kill you both.
On principal. Lower your gun, now!
Check it out.
Just let my Mom go, okay? I am all the leverage you need.
I didn't spend the last three years, listening to you babble incisively...
about your perfect little life.
To "F" it all up now.
So, get in the living room, both of you. Let's go.
Let's go.
Turn around.
- Come here, dear. - Go on.
- You okay? Are you all right? - Jen?
To be fair... We did have some good times.
Yeah...
- Remember when... - (gunshots)
Oh, there you are, dear.
(cell phone ringing)
Answer the phone, sir.
My dead best friend, wants to let you know, that your target's still alive.
Stand down Spencer.
Whoa, hey! Guys.
He killed Holbrook.
Two to the heart One to the head. Remember?
And then he pulled the trigger on me.
Daddy, is that true?
I put sleepers in your life, because I didn't trust your husband.
I hoped, I'd never have to use it.
It's the flash drive from Holbrooks watch.
It's all there. His old boss turned dirty.
And in your office, when I saw your card with his name on it.
I knew you were back in the game, and you were coming after me.
So, I activated the killers.
I'm not... trying to kill you, sir.
Why don't you tell her about Nice, where you tried to blow me up.
How did you know about Nice?
I was supposed to be on that helicopter.
When I saw you, I didn't go
You said you got out when we met in France. You said you were in the love bubble.
I got out. I'm out.
Just look at him. Does he look like he's out?
It was my last job. I'm out.
I got out.
For us.
And I'm never going back.
So...
You are not a pilot.
Is he?
Daddy enough, put your gun down. I've been dodging Bullets all day,
thanks to you and it is not good for the baby.
You have a baby?
No, I'm going to.
Ohh! I knew it.
(laughter) Let's celebrate.
I'm gonna be a Grandpa?
Yes.
Oh, God!
Oh, my God.
And you are the father?
Oh, for God's sakes, Dad.
Okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
This would be a great time for a trust circle.
- A trust circle? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, let's do that, okay?
Let's gather everybody, Dad, pull up a chair.
Mother, join us.
O... kay.
Okay.
I don't do trust circles.
I know Mother, but I think that this is necessary. Humour me.
- Okay. - Okay.
I finally understand...
that I am not to blame, for this dynamic, okay?
You are.
And you need to own that.
I need to own the fact that I unwittingly married the one man...
who is exactly like my father.
A liar.
So...
If any of you wanna ever see this kid. This is what's gonna happen.
Okay?
There will be... no more lying,
No more... stealing cars...
or hiding weapons in the furniture,
And I never wanna see you two try to kill each other again.
Okay, in fact, there will be no more killing.
I don't wanna see you, swat a fucking fly!
Okay? All Right.
Are we all together on this?
- Yeah... - Great job, baby.
Is there anything else?
That I need to, or should know?
Anyone?
Spencer.
English is not my first language.
(speaking Japanese)
Oh, a... and... and also, the third week that we were together...
you said I love you...
in your sleep.
And... I didn't tell you, because... I wanted to be the one, who said it first.
So...
Thank you, honey.
- Mom. - What?
- Come on. - Uhh...
Oh... do you remember that time, that...
I took you and your little friend for a boat ride?
No.
No?
Oh, forget it then, we're good.
Okay.
Okay, fine, in addition to planting...
killers in your life and secretly working for a government agency.
I would like to admit...
(knock on door)
Yoo-hoo!
Jen!
We need to talk about that darn property line.
(laughter) (friendly) Hi, Jen...
Uh... sweetie?
I don't think she was a killer.
Oh, I know.
Red wire crosses blue, good as new.
Blue crosses red, good as dead, I know. It's my saying.
That's not your saying, that's my saying, you copied me.
I did not copy, I have not copied you a day in my life.
Really?
I think it's coming in nice, don't you?
- No. - Well...
he likes it.
Don't you buddy?
You like Daddy's mustache don't you? Don't you like that mustache?
- How's my little big guy doing? - Great
Except for your Dad thinks, I'm copying him which I'm not.
Will you please tell him I'm not copying him.
Sorry, sweetie, every girl marries her Father.
- Oh, that's not gross. - I certainly did.
Oh, my Father was one handsome man.
Well built... rippling muscles.
His mustache was a lot larger than yours, though.
- Thick! like a Vulcan forest. - Well, that's nice mother.
But you're here to baby-sit, not creep me out.
- So, if you wouldn't mind. - (baby coos)
Oh, hi!.
Yeah, Grandma's a little scary.
Maybe it's too soon.
- Maybe we should just stay. - No, no.
It's not too soon, we're not staying. It's date night.
We're going out. It's gonna be great. I'm wearing my skinny jeans.
Don't worry Spencer. You can trust us.
If we can't trust them, who can we trust, right?
Right.